Hey world,
Things are finally looking up, I was sitting on a train the other day, talking to someone who I have to gaurd what I say with, but maybe filtering the words gave more clarity then I'd felt in a long time. Anyway something has clicked, I don't feel so guilty and sinful anymore for putting my needs first, even though that in itself was difficult, I dont' know to be a bit more blunt, I'm coming to terms with the reality it was right to dump my ex. I don't know for so long I have felt like the lyrics "I make the right moves but I'm lost within" but I suddenly feel stronger, braver, and not like a screw up.
Life is kind off more like a story and more of an adventure when you take risks and make sacrifices. They push you and your personality into places you didn't know you could go.
Went to the Love Train on Wednesday Night, that's some 70's club night was alright, not ace cakes, I just drank a bit too much, and ended up getting off with my firend in front of some guys who wanted to take us home. It was a bit drunk and confusing especially since my mate is like 6ft tall so when I kissed her she must've had to lean quite a bit I'm only just 5foto something. Oh well... That was my first girl on girl kiss, haha probably last too who knows. Yer things have been mad recently I'm never at home, I barely ever sleep in my own Bed. In the space of a week I've stayed overnight in Newcastle, Glasgow and Preston, and then crashed at my mates one night....ironic thing is I love my bed, it's warm, safe and in the sky where no one can reach me.....
Not much else to sya except the piano playing is starting to look up, after endless periods of you will never be a concert pianist, or go to a conservatoire....and then bloody Per, my danish teacher, he gets so emotional it drives me mad, he is constantly gettign to the core of me, in a way which isn't sympathetic. Like last Monday he said I had an angry attitude when he was trying to sot out my technique at playing legato, I was getting annoyed cos I was trying and trying and everytime I slipepd up he was there to criticise. and it drove me mad, cos he was acting like I hadn't understood or listened. So I ended up crying which was horrid. Because we had spent an hour on this one piece, and him discussing my attitude. Then he said as he has always said there is no shame in seeing a councilor cos I obviously have anger issues and don't like to talk about my feelings. So i said that I know I don't like to talk about my feelings and I know why, so all I really want is for him to stop bringing it up.
It put a bit of a damper on the day after I had managed todrive ot his house and negotaite the roads...........
But I know I will crack this music, I will conquer it and rock...haha if classical pianists can really do that???????
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